I guess I've finished stressing myself out to no extent. It was all really useless in essence. My life has become so much more peaceful since I've decided to let go of all the things that bound me to a ruined state. I stopped caring about the things that brought me to nervous breakdowns etc. Mainly getting high grades. I realized that being a perfectionist wasn't what I wanted my life to be and I let go. It took a lot for me to do that because I was so used to being so "perfect" but I realize my life is so much better now than it had ever been and I still get As. I'm passing a college leveled class in high school with flying colors and the best part is that even though I can't take a freelance photography class, I got offered a job taking pictures for the school paper. Sure it's not the "art" form I was expecting but just being able to use my camera is lovely enough. My life still has mroe dark points than light but is that not the life of a teenager? I'm getting my license next month which will open the door for me that I have been knocking on for years. My license was the one thing that I truly wanted out of my life because it meant that I could drive anywhere at any time. Of course with the high gas prices that may be limited but I just think of next summer and the joys of being able to go to Gayhead whenever I want. I guess what made me realize I didn't want to be a freaking neuro surgeon was that life is too short to be a workoholic and I'd rather just enjoy life. I'll still work in the medical field but I don't have to be the top doc ^^. I saw my cousin, my own age, who just had a baby. I saw how happy some people are who don't make millions and how miserable people with money in my life are. I realized that my only dream in life was to have a family. Damn I've lost my edge. lol! I'll always have that fire in me but it doesn't have to engulf my whole life I suppose. My new outlook on life has really benefitted my relationship with Matt. I'm trying to get him to be more positive but I don't know if he will. Life isn't so bad when your expectations are just what you can do and nothing beyond that. You impress yourself all the time and you don't kill yourself over the craziness of attaching your life to one thing. Okay rant over.